There are few things in this life as predictable as weather: gas prices, thoroughbred horse racing, women, hot pockets (what?), but I do not intend to dwell upon the more finicky aspects of life and chance. With the cold season (weather, not disease) approaching, and because there seems to be so much discussion about the bad elements thereof, I want to discuss briefly some of the more favorable qualities of the winter season.
First, everyone is always giving me a hard time about how much time I spend in front of the computer. "You're so lazy," they say. "Why are you on your computer so much? Go outside." Well, during the winter season, all I have to do is give one excuse, and one excuse alone: it's cold. And from 90% of my critics the response is, "yes, that's true. It is cold, but what does that have to do with you not going outside?" Usually, at this time I just storm off in a fit and start throwing things, not because I'm mad, but to make a point. What point is that? The fact that things break. I'm simply trying to educate here, people. We can't go about thinking that objects are indestructible...because they're not (unless you're throwing around an indestructible metal rod, in which case it won't break).
Anyway, the second thing I love about the weather is the benefit to the economy. Sure, a lot of travel agencies may suffer, like those giving trips to Yellowstone, but think of it this way: there is a definite boon for the chocolate industry. Sure, times like Valentine's Day and...other holidays may help them out quite a bit, but the increased demand for hot chocolate (maybe this is just my excessively Utahn paradigm coming out) surely must be something the chocolate accountants (don't be fooled: this means they're accountants for the chocolate company, not accountants made out of chocolate. Trust me, this is not a mistake you want to make) are grateful for. Also, I think that was the most broken up and hard to follow sentence I've written in a while. Just remember, parenthetical statements aren't planned, they just happen...kind of like some pregnancies.
The third thing I love about the winter is that I daily get to do battle with my nemesis: the wind. Sure, some of you may say "how can you have a nemesis that you can't see, grasp, or even fight?" Well, to you I say, Learn Newton's Laws, jerk. I will refute your comment thusly: I may not be able to see the wind, but it's not like the wind can see me. I mean, it doesn't even have eyes. So looks like we're on equal ground there. Also, you say I can't grasp the wind? Well, I guess that depends on whether you are referring to the concept of physically or intellectually grasping the wind. Because I understand it, so eat those words. And I fight the wind all the time, but most of the time I just do it by playing Starcraft. Trust me, it works. Or at least that's what I'll keep telling myself.
So there it is. Just like I said. Three things I like about winter. Sure, they may not "make sense," but they do, so there. If you have anything you also love about winter, feel free to comment it. In the mean time, I'm going to go do battle. ROCK!
Oh, one last thing, as promised, the solution to creaky joints is just putting a splint on every joint you have. They can't creak if they can't bend, right?
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