REALLY?! Bella is pregnant? I mean, consider my ignorant, but that's just...wow. I mean, it's beyond words, but considering that mockery is above regular words, I suppose it will have to suffice in my attempt to convey my thoughts on the matter. Yes, I must admit that I just discovered this faux pas in the plot yesterday. I don't think that makes me a bad person. I'm firmly convinced that what's her bucket writer of the Twilight Series didn't even intentionally have it happen. I know that in writing, there tends to be word vomit. You write something just real fast-like, and you don't even know what you read, but it just happens. I think that's what happened there. I sincerely hope that's what happened there. I mean, if you really think about it, the whole concept is severely disturbing. I'm not ignorant. I know how babies are made. They're delivered on a ray of sunshine that penetrates the home at first light, and suddenly a baby is lying on the floor, or some other equally capable baby carrying device. Sometimes it happens when it's planned, sometimes by mistake. There's no real way to tell.
But seriously, if what's her bucket bad acting, twitch lady (the one you call "Bella") and bad actor glitter boy, were...you know...I think we have a term for that. Yes, it's called necrophilia. Sure, some may say that he's "undead," and I just say "tomatoes, tomatoes" (if you could hear me saying that, it would be pronounced significantly differently. Undead = dead, in the same way that inflammable = flammable. She may as well exhume a corpse from the local cemetery, revive it, and have at it. Gross. Yeah. I'm not the one who initially wrote it. GROSS.
Okay, on a lighter topic, someone requested that I write my theory on where zombies came from. Trust me, the origins of zombies is a far lighter topic than doing the nasty dance with an undead (= dead) body. One of my good friends recently posted the following on Facebook:
Thanks to Wikipedia, I now know that Pope Formosus was exhumed and tried by Pope Stephen VI within a year of his death.
In response to that, I wrote the following:
It was at that exact moment that the Zombies vowed their revenge on all humankind, except they can't really talk intelligibly, so it just sounded like a series of grumbles, and no one understood the threat
I suppose it would be more appropriate if I corrected myself and said that I will be talking about the feud between zombies and humans. So I'll elaborate a little. As my friend stated, Pope Forsomus was exhumed. Now, there are few things that zombies like less than having one of their friends brought back into the world of the living. Trust me, I asked. They like it even less when you bring one of their own back to the land of the living to be put on trial (it doesn't matter the form the trial takes.) They like it EVEN LESS if you bring one of their own back to the land of the living, try him, and it just so happens that while he was alive he was a major religious figure! Even the dead respect religion (which doesn't speak a lot about the people alive nowadays who have no tolerance for religion in general. You heard it here first folks, they're worse than zombies.) So, once the zombie nation (not the Rob Zombie nation. The real zombies look at Rob as a bit of a poser) heard of this treachery, they vowed revenge. It was only after that that they discovered their insatiable love for brains.
I mean, I don't mean to point fingers or anything, but we all know who to blame for the zombie epidemics of '78 and '93 (it's been proposed that the one in '93 was linked directly to the popularity of Nirvana, but we can't be too sure). So next time you have a brain thirsty zombie chasing after you, think back to this post. Just take a minute, reflect, and then get eaten, because we know it'll happen eventually. May as well get it over with, right? Right.
Well, there you have it (I've kind of noticed that I tend to finish most of my posts with that phrase.) Zombies. Mutant vampire babies. None of it really makes sense anyway.
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