Psychology at its Finest

In the universe, there are forces at work which exceed the understanding of mankind. There are the forces that compel the tectonic plates in their motion. There are the forces which make women avoid men who stare nightly into their windows, and there are even the forces that persuaded Martin Cohan and Blake Hunter to create "Who's the Boss?" Like I said. Some things just don't make sense, but I'm going to be discussing something I've recently spent time considering regarding forces in the world of psychology (that probably has nothing to do with what I'll write about, but the shoe fits...)

In the fear of having to forfeit a man card, I recently purchased a salad for the first time. And I'm not talking about a side-salad at Tony Roma's. I mean a full on salad. First time (I didn't actually purchase it. It was gifted to me, but the intent is the same.) Now, what is it about a salad that women are naturally drawn to? Sure, it's healthy and all that jazz, but I think there's something that's naturally ingrained within a woman's mind that subconsciously attracts them to the color green. I know that there are types of spinach or cabbage or whatever that aren't green, but I consider those non-green leaf based vegetables as enemies of the state (the state of being awesome, to be more specific.)

This got me thinking a little more. I know there is a force that drives two particles of matter together...or draws them together, not drives, because if it were to drive them together that would change the location of the force vector, which would be misleading at best . Why can't there be a force that drives women to salad? I mean, I don't know! And you don't know, so don't go off dismissing the claim just because I have no empirical evidence. If you do that, I'm going to adopt the standpoint that YOU don't exist. Yeah. Take that.

Along those similar lines, I had to start wondering if it were just green salads that women are drawn to, so I started wearing green shirts more often to try my luck...and much to my surprise, it WORKED! Or I thought it did...until I realized my friend had been telling people I like dudes (you know, because girls sometimes feel safer around guys who like other guys. You should have seen their faces when I started coming on to them.) (As a side note, those who know me can know the truth of that last statement....or lack of truth.)

One of the keys to a good theory is experimentation, so I'm going to need your help. If you happen to be female, I want you to get a piece of green construction paper, tape it to the wall, sit on a computer chair (or any other chair that has wheels) and make sure you're on like a wood or tile floor too, and then lift up your legs while staring intently at the piece of paper. Sit there for like 3 hours and check if you've moved any closer to the paper. It's for science, people. Take a hit. In fact, if you do this, I will personally reward you (I may or may not show up with a green shirt on.)

There you have it, folks. My latest scientific hypothesis. Prove me wrong, I dare you.