Stubborn? Hardly.

Recently I've been receiving a large number in questions regarding my stance on a certain subject. For those of you who have been living in a cave, the movie "Avatar" broke the record for being the highest grossing movie of all time, but I refuse to get caught up in the hype. People are always coming up to me and saying "but it's SOOOO good. Why don't you want to watch it?" Well, for those who may have asked that question, this post is for you.

First off, I think ONE of the major reasons it was so vastly popular and ground-breaking in the theaters was due to it's innovative 3D effects and viewing experience. In response to this, let me tell you a story. When I was a bit younger, probably 16 or 17, I purchased a game for the Xbox called "Medal of Honor: Rising Sun". I had previously played games like Halo and such, but this game was a vastly new experience for me. Why? Well, let me tell you: because of something I call "getting the throw-ups." This can be induced by several things, namely viruses, blows to the...you know...man area, and severe motion sickness. I have always had a weak stomach, but this game broke new ground in my life because it made me motion sick without ever moving. I have dubbed this as one of the 3 phenomena in life that separate us from the animals (the other two our ability to amplify sound and the fact that we can use firearms.) If a video game made me motion sick, I have severe consternation (not constipation...I know you all were thinking it) about 3D movies for that reason. I'm not a huge fan of blowing chunks in a movie theater, but I would rather do that than go through the experience of watching Twilight again.

Yes, I know there is the non-3D route for watching Avatar, but there is more than one reason as to why I have no desire to watch it. There are few things that make me more angry than remakes....but it only happens if I know it's a remake (Just to clarify, this doesn't make me "wanting to punch something" angry. It's more of the "quietly fester and mutter stuff under my breath until I eventually go crazy and drive a car off a cliff" crazy. Most of you should know what that feels like). For example, last weekend I found out that someone redid the classic song called "Africa" by Toto (Dang you, Karl Wolf), and...well, let's just say there was more festering done than at a Jimmy Eat World concert (you know, when the fans realize that the SUCK live.) That being said, I know the plot of Avatar. I've done my research, and it turns out that it's no more than "An Inconvenient Dances With Fernahontas In Space" (Thanks to Havasupai25 for that one. you know who you are). When I use that statement people usually respond with something like "But the special effects are so cool!" To that I say, the last time I watched a movie for the sake of special effects was when I watched "2012." 'Nuff said.

So, here's my plan. I'm going to watch Avatar without ever watching Avatar. Think I'm crazy? Well, yeah, but have a listen (or read.) I'm going to set up 5 different TV's in the same room. Each one will be playing a different movie: Dances with Wolves, Pocahontas, Fern Gully, An Inconvenient Truth, and The Day After Tomorrow will each be playing on their own TV, and when the last movie ends...BOOM! I've watched Avatar. It's got the eco-friendly story lines of An Inconvenient Truth, the lovable characters of Fern Gully, the anti-white man sentiments of Dances with Wolves, the genocide of Pocahontas (maybe I watched a different version of the show than you...?), and the special effects of The Day After Tomorrow..I may throw in a performance by the Blue Man Group just to get the colors right (also playing the Force Unleashed and walked around the world of Felucia would suffice). Bada-bing, bada-boom. Some of you may argue that that's WAY more work than watching Avatar, but I figure that between setting up all the screens and videos and watching the movies, I figure it should still take less time than watching Avatar would.

As a bit of an afterthought, yes, I admit I will probably eventually watch the movie. It'll probably come during one of those times when I have time to waste, so instead of wasting my time watching the latest installment of "the Fast and the Furious" series, I'll plop in Avatar and...fall asleep. There's a good chance I'll enjoy it, but in the mean time, I'll continue to adhere to my obstinate position. After all, it is one of the things that separates us from the animals (It falls in the category of amplifying sound.....
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Don't think about it too hard. I realize that it doesn't make sense.)