What I learned from "Tron"

Today I embarked on an adventure that was long past due. There are several categories of movies in which I indulge myself. First, there are the block busters. You know, the big movies like Iron Man 2, Transformers, or A Troll in Central Park. These are the movies that I will actually put aside time to watch. Second, there are the bad movies. I'm not talking bad as in smutty. I'm referring to the bad movies that are just so stupid that afterwards you immediately look at your friends and say something like, "I  really want those last two hours of my life back." I think everyone knows the type of movie to which I'm referring. Movies that fall in that category would be things like Jurassic Park 3 or anything based on a book written by Jane Austen (but in those cases, it would be "I want the last day and a half of my life back.") The third category would be the movies that, when I see the trailer, I want to see it, but I won't go out of my way for it. I'll watch it when I have time, but I wouldn't really push for a group to watch it. Today, I watched one of those movies: Tron. Now, I didn't know a whole lot about this movie, other than it was referenced in the Simpsons and that friends said I would like it (I immediately found out that the reason why they said I would like it is because it is OOZING with nerdy references and terminology and allusions.) So, as you can imagine, I was about to begin quite an epic journey. Now, there are certain things we need to understand when we're about to watch a movie straight from the 80's. First, the soundtrack is going to be ridiculous...ly awesome. I think to explain that, I would reference the movie Hot Rod. Although straight from the 2000's, the soundtrack definitely pays homage to the 80's. Secondly, take whatever notion you have of CGI and special effects, throw them at a wall, and quickly burn them, because if you cling to any expectations created by movies like Lord of the Rings or 2012 (yes, the movie was awful, but when that volcano exploded, I almost wet myself), you're bound to be more disappointed than a guy...who...bought something cool and it was immediately crushed by a meteorite (non CGI). Second though, that's not a good example, because if I had ANYTHING crushed by a meteorite...well, that would be awesome...and then I could go sell the rock for millions. Sounds like a win/win situation to me, so disregard the example.

Anyway, that introduction to the actual meat of this post was WAY too drawn out. I know it, you know it, and I'm okay with it. Suck it up.

I would like to spend the rest of the time (in this post) discussing some things that I learned from the movie "Tron."

#1) Even the handsome are subject to theft and copyright infringement.

#2) Holes in a firewall are actually literal and tangible breaches.

#3) Coded programs die the way everyone else does.

#4) Where new programs come from.

First, the main character in Tron is played by Jeff Bridges. Handsome? Yes. Very yes, and I'm okay admitting it. In the movie he is very nerdy, but he's probably one of the best liked nerds (at least by women, tacos and all). In the movie, he has several programs that he created stolen by someone else at the company. Now, while the act is morally reproachable, I think it gives hope to people like me. It's an opportunity to prove to the world that not everyone who sits on a computer for hours every day lacks hygiene (I will reference again, as a counterpoint, the tacos) and has severe difficulty in getting the girl. Yes, there is light at the end of the table...unless you're an avid player of W.o.W., in which case, just give up now.

Second, I've been in school learning about electrical components, circuits, and many varying computer parts for a few years now. This entire time, they have led me to believe that all aspects of a digital system are comprised of a few hardware components and then a bunch of 0's and 1's. As far as software goes, there's nothing tangible about it...or so I thought. I learned that it is possible to send a digitized motorcycle careening into a wall and create a physical hole in it, in which case other motorcycles (and I assume any object, at that) would be able to pass through it. This is quite a relief to me, because I've been wondering what happens to all the saved games I create in Final Fantasy 7 after I decide to delete the file. Now I know that somewhere in the digital world there are a bunch of free-range Clouds roaming around, probably casting Knights of the Round on unsuspecting bison that have escaped from Oregon Trail. Dinner much?

Third, I've never put any thought into deleting files (well, other than if I need it or not). I mean, I wouldn't shoot a guy in the real world..or stab...or poison...or anything else that's "death inducing," as they say (nobody says that.) But here I am deleting files and programs willy-nilly. What I learned however, is that these programs, when being deleted, or "killed" as we might say (I guess "killing" a program doesn't have the same significance as killing a person, per seiTunes has created for me. I mean, it actually might be a little piece of Little Richard that's dying...oh wait....(I don't listen to Little Richard.)

Finally, lots of time is spent educating the youth on the importance of safe...relations...if you catch my meaning. I think every parent kind of fears the inevitable question of "where do babies come from?" I guess, much to my chagrin, I'm going to have to start explaining where baby programs come from, and here's why. The people in the movie Tron represent programs. At one point of the movie, one of these programs kisses another one. The notion, although foreign to the male program at first, was immediately adopted and enjoyed (Probably in the same way it happened in our world.) This is the biggest lesson to me, because I'm now deeply terrified that there could be programs running around in the background of my computers RAM making out and doing all types of unseemly things. Somehow I wish I could implement a new aspect of my anti-virus program. It's called abstinence, people.

There you have it, folks. I've learned plenty about the digital world today, and I hope I've been able to pass on some useful information to you. If not, go watch Tron. You can find out something on your own. And who says that movies rot our brains?




As an afterthought, I was just informed that the movie Tron isn't actually a documentary, as I may have previously believed it was. With that in mind, be careful which aspects of this post you take as doctrine. Heck, just believe it all. See if I care.