Elementary Goodness

Recent adventures in dodgeball have got me thinking...about things...of a simpler nature. I don't know if anyone else ever does this, but I have made a habit on thinking back on how great life was in elementary school. Sure, I know no where near what I know now, and I'd like to think I'm considerably more sociable now than I was (Although I'm sure there are people out there who would disagree), there were certain elements of life that were just...awesome, for lack of a better word. This post will be dedicated to exploring some of the aspects of life that have simply disappeared.

One word: tether-ball. Two words: is awesome. Yeah, I said it. I don't bring up tether-ball specifically to bring up tether-ball. I'm using it as a symbol of all those awesome games we used to play in elementary school. Like...hanging from the monkey bars...motionless...for hours. That wasn't a regular habit of mine, but I'm sure SOMEONE did it. Remember when hopscotch used to be fun? Remember when your feet could fit into those tiny squares? I sure do, and I miss it. What I would give for the size of feet I had then...but strangely paired with the 6 foot tall body I have now. That would be awesome. Sure, it may look like something out of some stupid horror film ("AHH! HE HAS.....small feet...?" That's how it would go.) Remember sliding down a 4 foot metal slide while standing up? I do, although I shouldn't. Let me put it this way: I found out then that metal gets excessively slippery when it's wet.

Recess. Yeah...not the TV show, although that still is fantastic. Have you ever thought back on recess? Did you think about the fact that it was 15 minutes long? Yeah. 15 Minutes. That's like....one and a half games of Modern Warfare. That's nothing now. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days when 15 minutes was an eternity. Not to mention the fact that by the time we got to the playground and organized soccer teams there was only 10 minutes left. But it was awesome! Why was it awesome!? I don't know that answer yet, but I'm trying to figure it out.

I'm just going to say: work load. Nuff said.

Lastly, I loved how simple the inter-person interaction was. Boys were afraid of girls, and this, for some reason, empowered girls. They must have known that we, at that young age, had yet to develop our immunity to cooties (some of us are still working on that immunity.) I'm still convinced that cooties are real. At that age, they repulsed us, but somewhere between then and now, there occurred an re-polarization of our cooties receptors, and cooties happen to be the thing that draw men to women. Some call them "hormones." I'm convinced that's just a fancy name for cooties. Yes. If you're not careful, they could still infect you. The thing I've never figured out regarding that is: how come only boys were sensitive to them? Could this be because guys don't have them? We all know, as learned from The Simpsons, that cooties come from the girl's butt. That's just science. I don't know....just something to think about.

Oh yeah, and the clearly racially insensitive Power Rangers. Think about it.

Anyway, elementary school was awesome. I want part of it back...but not all of it. I think I'll survive without the 8:30 bedtime.

Everybody Gloats

Alright people, I've reached one of my personal marks of excellence. Sure, this will never come into play in my profession, but I think it helps my resume for nerdiness. What am I talking about? Well, let me show you rather than tell you. Here it is:

I don't know if you can read it, but this is the score I got on my typing test today. Sure, I tried like 30 times, but I got it to 100. It's like a real world video game. Yes, I recognize this is nothing to be proud of, but half of the things I excel at aren't exactly things that most people would be proud of, so dont' judge me. Hey, you in the red, stop judging me.

This Semester In Review

It's official, folks. Another semester done and finished. The purpose of this post will to go back and recount some of the important life lessons that I have learned. Now, these lessons can each be applied in their own respective circles, and these are by no means a generalized statement on what everyone should spend time learning. In other words, I'm not going to be talking about things that I have sought after but the little lessons in life that we all just happen to come upon. For example, in the movie Remember the Titans, Gary Bertier happened to learn not to get hit by a truck. That's the kind of lesson I'm talking about.

Lesson #1

Longboarders, although a menace to campus, do serve their own comedic purposes.

Lesson #2

When someone else asks "How long do this project take you?" always use hyperbole.

Lesson #3

If being encountered by a final project that is stressing you out, just play video games. You may fail the class, but you may have failed anyway (Adapted from a Deep Thought by Jack Handy).

Lesson #4

Just because I'm an engineer doesn't mean I have to be an engineer.

--------Explanations----------

Lesson #1 - Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about longboarders on campus. There's something about not having a native braking system that just irks me. One of my dreams in life is to tackle an unsuspecting longboarder for no other reason than I believe it would be hilarious. Although I think they're the bane of college students (well, one of the many banes...others including keggers and homework), I do recognize that they do serve a purpose: so I can laugh at them when they fall. No, I don't think I'm being insensitive. I think it's an inferred contract that every longboarder agrees to when they step on that board the first time: if you fall, people will laugh at you. Cause and effect, people. The only thing funnier than a longboarder eating it on campus is a longboarder eating it on campus because he was trying to impress a girl. When that happens, I know life is good.

Lesson #2 - I think the fear of homework is often more debilitating than homework itself. I'll make a quick note that lessons 2 and 3 are very related, so I'll try not to repeat myself. I tend to be the guy that goes into a project way later than everyone else, and as a result, I'm the guy that asks the question, "So how long have you been working on this?" More often than not, the response is something like "Four hours yesterday, three hours today, and I still think I'm two hours from finished." And then I wet myself. 3 hours later I finish my project, and I realize the interesting strategem by which I had been played (it's entirely possible that the person actually did spend that much time on it, but I'm just saying that it would be a clever tactic to deter competition.)

Lesson #3 - Final projects...gotta love 'em. I had a final project that was worth 15% of my final grade, and although I intended to start it two weeks before it was due...I didn't. Turns out I didn't start it until the day it was due. Smart? No. Not even close. So, two days before it was due, I was freaking out...much. So, what did I do? Played video games. Some may think that I'm ridiculous, and I am. I'll give you that, but it worked out. No, I will not have failed the class. It was actually pretty awesome how it turned out and gave me a nice boost in self-esteem, but I wouldn't recommend this tactic for the average person. If it takes you longer than an hour to write a 1 page paper, don't do this. That's my disclaimer.

Lesson #4 - At first glace, this may one of the more confusing sentences I've written in this blog, but let me explain. There is a definite sterotype that hovers around engineers. Every time I tell someone I'm an electrical engineering major, the first sentence out of their mouth is: you must be smart. When people think of the smart kids, another phrase usually follows: socially awkward. Personally, I would like to think I fall in the first category but not genuinely in the second (some may argue, but it's true). I wrote an entire post about socially akward smart kids I've come across in my classes, so I'll sum it up in a sentence: I don't get excited about the prospect of approaching an attractive woman, saying "you're pretty," and walking away. Nuff said.

That's just a brief glimpse at the lessons I've learned. I could go on, but maybe I'll save some of the others for a later post. Feel free to comment.

Stubborn? Hardly.

Recently I've been receiving a large number in questions regarding my stance on a certain subject. For those of you who have been living in a cave, the movie "Avatar" broke the record for being the highest grossing movie of all time, but I refuse to get caught up in the hype. People are always coming up to me and saying "but it's SOOOO good. Why don't you want to watch it?" Well, for those who may have asked that question, this post is for you.

First off, I think ONE of the major reasons it was so vastly popular and ground-breaking in the theaters was due to it's innovative 3D effects and viewing experience. In response to this, let me tell you a story. When I was a bit younger, probably 16 or 17, I purchased a game for the Xbox called "Medal of Honor: Rising Sun". I had previously played games like Halo and such, but this game was a vastly new experience for me. Why? Well, let me tell you: because of something I call "getting the throw-ups." This can be induced by several things, namely viruses, blows to the...you know...man area, and severe motion sickness. I have always had a weak stomach, but this game broke new ground in my life because it made me motion sick without ever moving. I have dubbed this as one of the 3 phenomena in life that separate us from the animals (the other two our ability to amplify sound and the fact that we can use firearms.) If a video game made me motion sick, I have severe consternation (not constipation...I know you all were thinking it) about 3D movies for that reason. I'm not a huge fan of blowing chunks in a movie theater, but I would rather do that than go through the experience of watching Twilight again.

Yes, I know there is the non-3D route for watching Avatar, but there is more than one reason as to why I have no desire to watch it. There are few things that make me more angry than remakes....but it only happens if I know it's a remake (Just to clarify, this doesn't make me "wanting to punch something" angry. It's more of the "quietly fester and mutter stuff under my breath until I eventually go crazy and drive a car off a cliff" crazy. Most of you should know what that feels like). For example, last weekend I found out that someone redid the classic song called "Africa" by Toto (Dang you, Karl Wolf), and...well, let's just say there was more festering done than at a Jimmy Eat World concert (you know, when the fans realize that the SUCK live.) That being said, I know the plot of Avatar. I've done my research, and it turns out that it's no more than "An Inconvenient Dances With Fernahontas In Space" (Thanks to Havasupai25 for that one. you know who you are). When I use that statement people usually respond with something like "But the special effects are so cool!" To that I say, the last time I watched a movie for the sake of special effects was when I watched "2012." 'Nuff said.

So, here's my plan. I'm going to watch Avatar without ever watching Avatar. Think I'm crazy? Well, yeah, but have a listen (or read.) I'm going to set up 5 different TV's in the same room. Each one will be playing a different movie: Dances with Wolves, Pocahontas, Fern Gully, An Inconvenient Truth, and The Day After Tomorrow will each be playing on their own TV, and when the last movie ends...BOOM! I've watched Avatar. It's got the eco-friendly story lines of An Inconvenient Truth, the lovable characters of Fern Gully, the anti-white man sentiments of Dances with Wolves, the genocide of Pocahontas (maybe I watched a different version of the show than you...?), and the special effects of The Day After Tomorrow..I may throw in a performance by the Blue Man Group just to get the colors right (also playing the Force Unleashed and walked around the world of Felucia would suffice). Bada-bing, bada-boom. Some of you may argue that that's WAY more work than watching Avatar, but I figure that between setting up all the screens and videos and watching the movies, I figure it should still take less time than watching Avatar would.

As a bit of an afterthought, yes, I admit I will probably eventually watch the movie. It'll probably come during one of those times when I have time to waste, so instead of wasting my time watching the latest installment of "the Fast and the Furious" series, I'll plop in Avatar and...fall asleep. There's a good chance I'll enjoy it, but in the mean time, I'll continue to adhere to my obstinate position. After all, it is one of the things that separates us from the animals (It falls in the category of amplifying sound.....
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Don't think about it too hard. I realize that it doesn't make sense.)