Phil Battles Sarcasmar

There are certain personality traits that I just can't seem to find a purpose behind. These are personality traits like being excessively needy, always feeling the need to talk loudly (have you ever been around someone who just can't seem to figure out how to whisper? Imagine being in a physics class and having someone say, "Man, I was sweaty.") , and, in all reality, I can't quite see the need for sarcasm. I'm not talking about the types of comments people often make that others deem as "sarcasm," but I'm talking more specifically about genuine sarcasm. As defined, sarcasm has to have an element of scorn, and that "sarcasm" term that people tend to throw around definitely does not encompass the true meaning of the word.

In complete reality, what is the point of sarcasm? I mean, sure it serves its purpose of allowing those of us passive-aggressive individuals (yes, I fall into that category...hence the usage of the word "us".) to discharge our backed-up rage, and possibly affords the occasional laugh at another person's expense, but aside from that, I see about as much of a point to sarcasm as I do to it's counter-part, the sarcasm detector.

I don't intend to make this post dedicated to my feelings towards sarcasm. I'm sure that some of you reading this are currently labeling me as a hypocrite, as some would use the word sarcastic to describe my personality (However, I have discovered that generally speaking it's the social definition of sarcasm that tends to be applied the most liberally and not that of the proper sarcasm.) These first few paragraphs I have written to provide an overly-extensive introduction into how if sarcasm shouldn't have a genuine place in today's society, how much less of a place should it have as a super-power (how many of you saw THAT coming?)

As a general rule, super heroes/villains are born out of some tragedy or science experiment gone wrong. How would one with Super-Sarcasm be created? Perhaps they were raised in an always-happy society, and one of these always-happy people killed his/her parents, and so to exact his vengeance, his/her ability to use sarcasm reached such a level as to be deemed "super." I just can't imagine an ability like this being caused by exposure to some toxic chemical. Rich people tend to be sarcastic...perhaps SUPER rich people are SUPER sarcastic. The world may never know.

I think that one of the determining factors that places a power in its proper place in the hierarchy of awesome powers is what would be needed to counteract it. For example, Spiderman had an enemy called Scorpion whose acid could melt Spiderman's webs. What would you use to battle super sarcasm? Really high self-esteem? I just don't think a villain could reach the levels of super villain if all that's needed to battle him is a guy that feels really good about himself.

So, like it should have no place in common society, sarcasm definitely doesn't belong in the super-hero realm. If it doesn't belong in either of those, I don't really know where it would go. Maybe Denver?

The Numerical Caste System

I'm going to be up front with all you people: I don't have a definite topic for today's post. Instead, I'm going to be  discussing a couple different topics of which I've been thinking. I'm not going to write some overly-lengthy post at the beginning here, so let's get right down to it.

First off, I've been strangely addicted to another individual's blog. Those who know me know that one of my more visible qualities is my nerdiness. The blog falls in line with what I love. If you're interested, check it out: vihart.com. I love it. I love the number games. I love the elegance that is evidenced by all of it. It's another signal to me that there is a higher power behind it all, organizing the beauty behind it. With that in mind, I started thinking about prime numbers. More specifically, do you think prime numbers get lonely? Or possibly do they get jealous of all the other numbers? I mean, all those other numbers are constantly mixing and mingling with all the other numbers, but the prime numbers are destined to only be with them and the number 1, who we all know is the loneliest of all numbers. Maybe the number 1 is kind of like Eor from Winnie the Pooh. He's kind of annoying to be around because you feel obligated to constantly remind him that he's not as bad off as he tends to think he is. I mean, we all have an obligation to strengthen those around us, but we all have our limits.

On the other hand, perhaps prime numbers have a certain sense of elitism. They're the Brahman of all numbers, which makes me wonder which numbers would be the pariahs, but that's another topic for another day. I mean, after all, the prime numbers can only be divisible by themselves and one. If they're not being divided by anything but themselves, while all other numbers are being divided by who knows how many other numbers, these primes hold strong. After all, there is a race of superior robotic life forms who claim the "Primes" to be their chiefs and leaders. Maybe we could learn a thing or two from them.

And what's up with that number Zero. I mean, he both exists but is unquantifiable. It's like he's there but not there at the same time. He's like the creepy guy that sits in the corner who is all mysterious, but for some reason he gets all the girls. I would also imagine him to be kind of emo. Tight jeans, long-ish dark hair. Maybe even weird, dark make-up. There's no way to be sure. I also would imagine him saying stuff like, "We don't even know who we are, man!" or "What IS reality?!" And then he has some melancholic look come across his face as all the women swoon.

The number Two would be the dirty rag. I don't feel like I need to explain that any further.

Sometimes I just wish I could show those dang prime numbers how difficult they are sometimes.