With the coming of a new school year, there also comes a few additional, unavoidable activities. We have Utah Football (probably one of the greatest things ever), an influx in fraternity oriented activities, and so on. There is something ominously looming in the future...if you're careful, you can smell it in the wind. It's something in which I have participated at least twice the last 3 years (and before the mission). It's something that will absolutely happen at least once per year. At the risk of many ramifications, I'm going to admit what this is: the series of Lambda Delta Sigma barn dances. Now, I'm not going to spend an entire blog post relating my experiences with these, but there's something of and relating to these barn dances that I wish to discuss; it's something contained in the name, and that is dancing.
Over my few years in existence, I have received much many flak for my inability and/or unwillingness to participate in dance related activities. I'm going to take the opportunity to explain why.
Some of the comments I've heard are along the lines of "you don't need to know how to do it! You just go in and start moving with the music!" Well, my friends, I can guarantee that I am moving in a different direction than the crowd, i.e. towards the door, but my motivation might not be what you think. As far as dancing goes, I place people in four categories:
1) Those who know how to dance (either because of formal lessons or just a state of being at one with the music)
2) Those who don't really know how to dance but can fake it.
3) Those who can't dance.
4) Those who can't dance but do any way.
I have noticed that a lot of people who would willingly put themselves in the fourth category, but, in reality, they belong in the second. In fact, experience has taught me that the majority of people fall in this category. Personally, I fall in the third category (unless it's car dancing, in which case all preconceived notions go out the window.) What I don't want to happen is the following: if people were to somehow force me to dance, I would suddenly find myself slipping from the third to the fourth category. If you notice, I've carefully structured the list to form a sort of hierarchy on dancing. Obviously, the higher you are, the better you are. However, no one is born in the fourth category. Through a series of their personal decisions, the place themselves in it.
I understand that some might argue that the people who fall into the fourth category just don't care what others think. To that I would respond: Well, how about I just stop showering. In fact, I will daily bathe myself in things like vinegar, lemon juice, and other strange-odored substances, and then I just "won't care" what people think. You say they're difference circumstances? Oh yeah? Well, YOU'RE a difference circumstance. Put that on your hand-crafted sandwich and eat it.
As far as my personal circumstances go, I choose not to dance for several reasons. I've discussed one of them (the fact that I can't do it, and I've accepted that fact, and I'm okay with it). Another reason why I don't dance is because I thrive off of structure. In dancing, especially dancing at stomps, there is no set structure. To me, it's like throwing me in the middle of a group of girls and yelling "Okay, now talk!" It's not something I do. In fact, I would probably just start making a series of unintelligible mumblings and periodic shouting, and then I would run out with my arms waving above me in the air. Now, on the other hand, if you put me in the same situation and said, "Okay, now talk....about (insert topic here)" I would be fine. In a similar vein, if you wrote down a bunch of numbers and said, "Okay, now math!" First off, I would say "What the crap are you talking about?" but after a brief period of confusion related to..strange...commands, I would probably start laughing because what ARE THOSE THINGS!? Whereas, if you throw a differential equation on a sheet of paper and tell me the same thing, I would be somewhat okay. (I think I'm going to start telling people to math a little more. And then while they're looking at me all confused-like, I'll run away with my arms flailing in the air and yelling.) So when there's music a-blaring, and people a-dancing, I stand there awkwardly, mumble stuff under my breath and then run out with my arms waving in the air. In certain situations, I may move a little, but I have been told that every time I dance, an orphan in Eastern Europe dies. Now, you wouldn't want to have that on your conscience, would you? Don't believe that that actually happens? Well, i just pray you will never have to experience it. It's not a pretty sight, especially for children (you know, since adults aren't really considered orphans). In the event that there is some structure to the dance, I am okay with it (unless it's the chicken dance. I will FREAK out any time I hear that.)
So this brings me back to the barn dance. I have discovered there are two types of barn dance. There's the square dance style, and the there's the country swing dance style. A word of advice: if you want to have fun at a country swing dance style event, don't invite me. I can make stupid comments and all that, as I usually do, but I refuse to dance. Bad things will happen. Like....bad...things.
In closing, let me just say this: if you are a fourth category dancer (you know who you are), please keep the arm flailing and leg kicking to a minimum. I'm sure you could figure out why. That is all.
