In life, there are many things that separate men from women. Many hours have been spent in the process of discovering them, and, in some cases, neutralizing them. I'm of the opinion that it's the differences in the roles of men and women that make the whole system work. Sure, this opinion is largely influenced by religion, but I can't help but apply some of the most logical resources and examples to influence that as well (I'm not going to go into any detail about which resources and examples I'm refering to, partly because that would be a waste of words, and secondly because if I don't cite sources it's a lot easi...harder to prove it wrong.) Now, I'm not intending to offend any, as I understand that certain aspects of the men v. women argument have been known to get a wee bit heated. My purpose in writing this is to simply raise awareness of a lesser known, although not any less important, difference between the two: the ability to make sound effects.
One of the my favorite party games, I have found, goes a little something like this:
Me: Hey, (girl's name), do your best impression of an explosion.
Girl: No, I'm nervous. (After some pushing). Ok. pkhhhhhh. (or boom). (Now, if you've never done this, you won't know how it sounds, so I advise you go out and perform this little experiment. In the rare occurrence that a girl does make a legitmate explosion sound, either marry her on the spot or begin running far, far away. Your choice.)
Naturally, the woman will want to make the guy do the same sound effect, in which he'll say something like this: pchhhewehhehheheeh. Something like that. Just start making the 'kh' sound and include a lot of back-throated phlegm and you should be good.
Now, I don't know if there's any sure-fire scientific explanation as to why males can typically make sound effects better than women. Perhaps it stems largely from the upbringing, given that males tend to gravitate towards a certain type of video game (or video games at all), while the girls are developing social skills or some other useless personality trait. I don't know if it has anything to do with a level of imagination which a young'un develops. I don't know if it has anything to do with how influenced a child is by "the streets." Perhaps it's just one of the anomalies in life (like how they get those BUBBLES INTO SODA!)
Personally, I'm inclined to believe it's simply a matter of exposure and mimicry. It's fairly obvious that if you know what a gun shot sounds like, your chances of recreating it increase dramatically. So, if you have been somewhere where gun shots abound, you could recreate them. Now, I'm not saying that if you're around a lot of gunfire, you, too, should fire guns...especially not at other people. Murder is bad. I just need to get that out of my system.
So if you, or anyone you know, has a desire to expand their ability to recreate certain noises, exposure is the best option. Put gun shot noises on your iPod and listen to them while at work. Heck, even practice a little. Sure, people might think you're going crazy, but it's entirely possible that they thought that anyway. Science says that the most fundamental sound effect for one to learn is the gun shot. Everything else stems from there. Just remember me in thirty years when you're doing it for a living...because I'll probably still be sitting...right here...writing about sound effects again.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Some Peoples' Kids...
So I spend a fair amount of time perusing only forums, whether they be technical, gadget related, and so on. Sometimes I'm just astounded by peoples' comments, and I sincerely fear for humanity. I'm going to be taking those posts that I find and copying them here for all to enjoy and mock. I'm not going to put them in context either because I believe that a statement should be self-explanatory. Anyway, here we go!
"like really its the fools who do 2 much in their rooms and dont know how to take care of %&$#.... i leave my 360 on idling all the time shti hasnt been turned off in like 3 days.... nothing had it over a year its an elite nothing never.... i go over my friends house his does that alot.... learn how to take care of it let it get some vent"
Uhhh......what?
"like really its the fools who do 2 much in their rooms and dont know how to take care of %&$#.... i leave my 360 on idling all the time shti hasnt been turned off in like 3 days.... nothing had it over a year its an elite nothing never.... i go over my friends house his does that alot.... learn how to take care of it let it get some vent"
Uhhh......what?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The Fall of Rome
Yeah, right. Like I would actually write about a real topic.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about "coolness," or what would more aptly be termed "perceived coolness." Maybe it started with my 11th grade physics lecture on the Theory or Relativity, and how in most cases there isn't an absolute (at first, that may seem like an incomplete sentence, but I assure you that it was intentional.) Now, I understand that there are people out there who are firmly committed to the supposed fact that they're "cool," or "the bee's knees" (a saying that has always confused me. I mean, think about it. Knees? Do bees have knees? If so, why are they so cool? Maybe only a certain group of bees have knees, which is why they're so desirable, but I digress.) I'm going to spend this post discussing the factors that seem to determine "coolness," and how I think they should change.
For the most part, I think coolness is determined by the factor that is the fact that a smaller group of the mass has something, some possession, that is not had by the masses, which causes envy amongst the general public. For example, think of the first guy to have a toothbrush. I don't know about you, but if I was having to somehow engineer a way to maintain oral hygiene, and I saw some guy with a toothbrush, I would basically kill for it. In fact, I would probably kill him with the toothbrush he was waving in my face. "Not so cool now, is it, jerk!?" But who knows what kind of blood feuds that could start. I imagine that the downfall of the Incan empire was actually caused that way. It's just science. That's all I'm saying.
There's one aspect of the defintion I've stated above that I don't really understand, however, and that revolves around what people call "smarts." Obviously, not everyone has them. Heh. Yeah, definitely not everyone has them. If you don't believe me (for some really, really strange reason), just...go talk to someone. Chances are they're dumb, but that also runs the risk of you being dumb (not saying you are), and you, then, wouldn't pick up on it. STUPID! (What's in the box?) I'm not trying to say that I don't understand why everyone isn't smart. Between drugs, MTV, and Twilight, I can see how some people are just dumbed down by these influences(I couldn't resist, but seriously, people, I don't care how attractive they are claimed to be, they're bad actors. BOVERED!) What I don't get is how being smart became uncool. Now, I've dwelled on this subject for a while before, and I imagine it went a little something like this: A guy marries a girl, the guy gets a good job which requires him to spend a fair amount of time researching and studying and what not, so the girl gets a little neglected. In turn, the girl finds another guy who doesn't read, or research, or...think, to fill the void. The first guy and girl get a divorce, the second guy and girl get married. The first guy gets depressed, drinks himself to death, and at the funeral the old wife says, "Drinking yourself to death? Not cool." The girl was Mrs. Butterworth, the second man was Mr. Freeze, and the first man was Mr. Freeze's nerdy older brother Phil (Obviously Mrs. Butterworth kept her maiden name after the marriage for marketing reasons). And there you have it. From that point on, smartness was associated with being uncool. You may have a hard time picking up the connection, but it's there. Just dig deeper. I speak in parables.
It's also entirely possible that those who are prone to excessive social interaction were labeled with the title of "cool," simply because they were around people TO label them. I mean, I can spend as much time around my computer, but it's not going to just randomly say, "Hey, man, you're really cool!" Sure, I could program it to do that, but then it would just seem forced, you know? It's kind of like if you tell someone that you enjoy they're company, and then they immediately say that they like your company as well. It just seems forced.
So, in turn, I propose we abandon these supposed stereotypes of what coolness is. I mean, dude from Bountiful, your popped collar and gelled hair may make you think you're cool, but you're actually just a tool. I don't care how much time you spend tanning and how much your sun glasses cost, you're still a tool. Oh yeah? You have an iPhone? I hate to break it to you, but your iPhone won't stand a chance against my Android (this time I'm referring to the robot.) Hey, is there a defibrillator app? Oh, that sucks. Your heart stopped, and I rule the world. Who's cool now?
I've spent a lot of time thinking about "coolness," or what would more aptly be termed "perceived coolness." Maybe it started with my 11th grade physics lecture on the Theory or Relativity, and how in most cases there isn't an absolute (at first, that may seem like an incomplete sentence, but I assure you that it was intentional.) Now, I understand that there are people out there who are firmly committed to the supposed fact that they're "cool," or "the bee's knees" (a saying that has always confused me. I mean, think about it. Knees? Do bees have knees? If so, why are they so cool? Maybe only a certain group of bees have knees, which is why they're so desirable, but I digress.) I'm going to spend this post discussing the factors that seem to determine "coolness," and how I think they should change.
For the most part, I think coolness is determined by the factor that is the fact that a smaller group of the mass has something, some possession, that is not had by the masses, which causes envy amongst the general public. For example, think of the first guy to have a toothbrush. I don't know about you, but if I was having to somehow engineer a way to maintain oral hygiene, and I saw some guy with a toothbrush, I would basically kill for it. In fact, I would probably kill him with the toothbrush he was waving in my face. "Not so cool now, is it, jerk!?" But who knows what kind of blood feuds that could start. I imagine that the downfall of the Incan empire was actually caused that way. It's just science. That's all I'm saying.
There's one aspect of the defintion I've stated above that I don't really understand, however, and that revolves around what people call "smarts." Obviously, not everyone has them. Heh. Yeah, definitely not everyone has them. If you don't believe me (for some really, really strange reason), just...go talk to someone. Chances are they're dumb, but that also runs the risk of you being dumb (not saying you are), and you, then, wouldn't pick up on it. STUPID! (What's in the box?) I'm not trying to say that I don't understand why everyone isn't smart. Between drugs, MTV, and Twilight, I can see how some people are just dumbed down by these influences(I couldn't resist, but seriously, people, I don't care how attractive they are claimed to be, they're bad actors. BOVERED!) What I don't get is how being smart became uncool. Now, I've dwelled on this subject for a while before, and I imagine it went a little something like this: A guy marries a girl, the guy gets a good job which requires him to spend a fair amount of time researching and studying and what not, so the girl gets a little neglected. In turn, the girl finds another guy who doesn't read, or research, or...think, to fill the void. The first guy and girl get a divorce, the second guy and girl get married. The first guy gets depressed, drinks himself to death, and at the funeral the old wife says, "Drinking yourself to death? Not cool." The girl was Mrs. Butterworth, the second man was Mr. Freeze, and the first man was Mr. Freeze's nerdy older brother Phil (Obviously Mrs. Butterworth kept her maiden name after the marriage for marketing reasons). And there you have it. From that point on, smartness was associated with being uncool. You may have a hard time picking up the connection, but it's there. Just dig deeper. I speak in parables.
It's also entirely possible that those who are prone to excessive social interaction were labeled with the title of "cool," simply because they were around people TO label them. I mean, I can spend as much time around my computer, but it's not going to just randomly say, "Hey, man, you're really cool!" Sure, I could program it to do that, but then it would just seem forced, you know? It's kind of like if you tell someone that you enjoy they're company, and then they immediately say that they like your company as well. It just seems forced.
So, in turn, I propose we abandon these supposed stereotypes of what coolness is. I mean, dude from Bountiful, your popped collar and gelled hair may make you think you're cool, but you're actually just a tool. I don't care how much time you spend tanning and how much your sun glasses cost, you're still a tool. Oh yeah? You have an iPhone? I hate to break it to you, but your iPhone won't stand a chance against my Android (this time I'm referring to the robot.) Hey, is there a defibrillator app? Oh, that sucks. Your heart stopped, and I rule the world. Who's cool now?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Attack of the Six Strings
Throughout my many days of observing things (Turns out I've been doing it basically since birth, or so I'm told), there's one thing whose frequency and intensity seems to undulate in varying degrees as the years pass. I don't know if these frequencies are intensified by cosmic rays, interstellar motion, or even just in proportion to Oprah's weight (OH SNAP!), but I cannot deny its existence. In fact, anyone who has any grasp on reality should be fully aware of this phenomenon. To explain what it is, first let me outline a situation:
A group of individuals are hanging out at a house. Typically, every group of friends has what seem to be the stereotypical personality types. There's the shy one, the loud one, the sarcastic one (often termed the mean one, although I don't see what math has to do with this), the ugly one (yeah, we all know who you are), the nerdy one (in my friends, we all fit that type), the flirt, and then there's the last guy, the one about whom I'm going to spend the rest of my time speaking. We all know one. I like to label him as the "Guitar Guy."
I don't mean for anyone to misunderstand. I have nothing against the instrument, and I'm sure that the majority of people who learn to play the guitar learn to do it simply because they love the instrument. Also, girls are exempt from this stereotype, but I'll explain why later. I'm talking about the guy who goes out of his way to play the guitar, and we all know he's not doing it for "love of the instrument." Some may argue, "You're just bitter because you can't do it." No. You're wrong. I could do it if I wanted to. Sure, it would take a while to learn, but I don't have any desire to learn it. I'm perfectly content just mediocre...ly singing along with awesome songs from the 80's like "Rio" and "Total Eclipse of the Heart," and making stupid jokes, and...being labeled as "awkward."
As further clarification to whom I'm referring when I talk about these types of people, I'm going to go through a fairly common social scenario. I'm going to show how most people would act, and then I'll contrast it with how this person acts. Here goes.
Friend 1: Hey, what should we do tonight?
Friend 2: I don't know. It's really cold outside, so I don't really want to...go...outside.
Friend 1: We could go sledding or something. Is there snow anywhere?
Friend 2: Yeah, but that's outside. Find me an indoor hill, and I'm all over it. Heck, if you can find an indoor hill, I will personally grind up ice for us to sled on.
Friend 1: You're a dork. I don't know. Are there any good movies out?
Friend 3: Hey, where's your guitar?
Friend 1: I...don't...have one...
Friend 3: Oh, good thing I always carry mine with me in my car, you know, because I don't have anything to put into a conversation.
Friend 1: Yeah, ok. So any good movies?
Friend 2: I heard that one with (insert famous actor here) is pr....
Friend 3: Strum. I'm your...Strum. Hold on guys, I got it. Strum. Strum. Wait, no, no, this is it. Strum.
Girl 1: Oh I love that song!
Friend 1 to Friend 2: How the crap can this chick even know what the heck he's playing?
Okay, I admit that this is a bit of an exaggeration. And, to be frank, if situations occurred like this, I think I would be okay with it. But I think it highlights several important aspects of how it occurs. Recently I had a conversation with a friend about this subject. I would like to quote him here.
"What bugs me most about the guitar scene. Is everyone is about at the same level. That level being the "crap" level. Like I can play a couple chords and know some struming techniques. But rare is the really good guitarist. And I always feel that one should be asked to play. We don't want volunteers. I mean I'm average at the Kazoo, but you don't see me whipping that out at camp fires. At least not untill I'm asked. And i know, FOR A FACT, that (name deleted) isn't half bad at the rythm block, but you wouldn't know it from him."
Well said, my friend. I can, however, seeing several arguments stemming from this topic. Some may say that it would be wrong for them not to play. Granted, we aren't supposed to "hide our talents," but at the same time, we're not supposed to drop our talents in front of the homeless people just to show them that we have some. It's a delicate balance. Also, some might argue that they just love playing the guitar. Here's my counter argument: how about you develop a personality. I mean, sure, you may get the girls at first. But eventually you'll run out of songs to sing and actually have to talk to her. What are you going to do then? Hmmm? I would say that there's a time and a season for everything. Hanging out in a big group is the time for honing your social skills, developing relationships with those who you're around by interacting, and not for becoming some distorted, new-age pied piper, trying to lure away unsuspecting 18 or 19 year old women.
As I promised, here's why women are immune to this classification of social injustice (yes, I know there's nothing unjust...injust (ingest?) about this.) Women don't rely on guitars to impress guys. In fact, women know that it's not the way to go, unless you're really going for someone who's "in touch with his feelings." If that's your kind of man, just go down to the library and look for the kid with eyeliner and who's writing in his journal. I'm pretty sure he's "in touch" with everything...but reality. Anyway, women know that the way to go about impressing a guy is by talking about sports, or being good at video games, or making them food (sure, it may be stereotypical, but I'm fairly confident it would work with 98% of the guys I know), and not by playing guitar (although, in some cases, it may just work out for you. But if you decide to go that route, you may as well throw in some steak to be safe.)
I understand that this post probably sounds a bit bitter. I guess it depends on the day (you know...manic-depressive). But seriously, if you're one of the guitar players, I have nothing against you playing the guitar. Heck, develop your own fan club for all I care, complete with groupies and...snacks...and meetings, but, please, for all the rest of our sanities' sake (I've never had to pluralize sanity before), just go into a different room (or jump off a bridge). As much as I like having slightly less-than-good background music in all my conversations, I don't think it would take away from the experience as a whole if it were to simply...vanish.
A group of individuals are hanging out at a house. Typically, every group of friends has what seem to be the stereotypical personality types. There's the shy one, the loud one, the sarcastic one (often termed the mean one, although I don't see what math has to do with this), the ugly one (yeah, we all know who you are), the nerdy one (in my friends, we all fit that type), the flirt, and then there's the last guy, the one about whom I'm going to spend the rest of my time speaking. We all know one. I like to label him as the "Guitar Guy."
I don't mean for anyone to misunderstand. I have nothing against the instrument, and I'm sure that the majority of people who learn to play the guitar learn to do it simply because they love the instrument. Also, girls are exempt from this stereotype, but I'll explain why later. I'm talking about the guy who goes out of his way to play the guitar, and we all know he's not doing it for "love of the instrument." Some may argue, "You're just bitter because you can't do it." No. You're wrong. I could do it if I wanted to. Sure, it would take a while to learn, but I don't have any desire to learn it. I'm perfectly content just mediocre...ly singing along with awesome songs from the 80's like "Rio" and "Total Eclipse of the Heart," and making stupid jokes, and...being labeled as "awkward."
As further clarification to whom I'm referring when I talk about these types of people, I'm going to go through a fairly common social scenario. I'm going to show how most people would act, and then I'll contrast it with how this person acts. Here goes.
Friend 1: Hey, what should we do tonight?
Friend 2: I don't know. It's really cold outside, so I don't really want to...go...outside.
Friend 1: We could go sledding or something. Is there snow anywhere?
Friend 2: Yeah, but that's outside. Find me an indoor hill, and I'm all over it. Heck, if you can find an indoor hill, I will personally grind up ice for us to sled on.
Friend 1: You're a dork. I don't know. Are there any good movies out?
Friend 3: Hey, where's your guitar?
Friend 1: I...don't...have one...
Friend 3: Oh, good thing I always carry mine with me in my car, you know, because I don't have anything to put into a conversation.
Friend 1: Yeah, ok. So any good movies?
Friend 2: I heard that one with (insert famous actor here) is pr....
Friend 3: Strum. I'm your...Strum. Hold on guys, I got it. Strum. Strum. Wait, no, no, this is it. Strum.
Girl 1: Oh I love that song!
Friend 1 to Friend 2: How the crap can this chick even know what the heck he's playing?
Okay, I admit that this is a bit of an exaggeration. And, to be frank, if situations occurred like this, I think I would be okay with it. But I think it highlights several important aspects of how it occurs. Recently I had a conversation with a friend about this subject. I would like to quote him here.
"What bugs me most about the guitar scene. Is everyone is about at the same level. That level being the "crap" level. Like I can play a couple chords and know some struming techniques. But rare is the really good guitarist. And I always feel that one should be asked to play. We don't want volunteers. I mean I'm average at the Kazoo, but you don't see me whipping that out at camp fires. At least not untill I'm asked. And i know, FOR A FACT, that (name deleted) isn't half bad at the rythm block, but you wouldn't know it from him."
Well said, my friend. I can, however, seeing several arguments stemming from this topic. Some may say that it would be wrong for them not to play. Granted, we aren't supposed to "hide our talents," but at the same time, we're not supposed to drop our talents in front of the homeless people just to show them that we have some. It's a delicate balance. Also, some might argue that they just love playing the guitar. Here's my counter argument: how about you develop a personality. I mean, sure, you may get the girls at first. But eventually you'll run out of songs to sing and actually have to talk to her. What are you going to do then? Hmmm? I would say that there's a time and a season for everything. Hanging out in a big group is the time for honing your social skills, developing relationships with those who you're around by interacting, and not for becoming some distorted, new-age pied piper, trying to lure away unsuspecting 18 or 19 year old women.
As I promised, here's why women are immune to this classification of social injustice (yes, I know there's nothing unjust...injust (ingest?) about this.) Women don't rely on guitars to impress guys. In fact, women know that it's not the way to go, unless you're really going for someone who's "in touch with his feelings." If that's your kind of man, just go down to the library and look for the kid with eyeliner and who's writing in his journal. I'm pretty sure he's "in touch" with everything...but reality. Anyway, women know that the way to go about impressing a guy is by talking about sports, or being good at video games, or making them food (sure, it may be stereotypical, but I'm fairly confident it would work with 98% of the guys I know), and not by playing guitar (although, in some cases, it may just work out for you. But if you decide to go that route, you may as well throw in some steak to be safe.)
I understand that this post probably sounds a bit bitter. I guess it depends on the day (you know...manic-depressive). But seriously, if you're one of the guitar players, I have nothing against you playing the guitar. Heck, develop your own fan club for all I care, complete with groupies and...snacks...and meetings, but, please, for all the rest of our sanities' sake (I've never had to pluralize sanity before), just go into a different room (or jump off a bridge). As much as I like having slightly less-than-good background music in all my conversations, I don't think it would take away from the experience as a whole if it were to simply...vanish.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
What I learned from "Tron"
Anyway, that introduction to the actual meat of this post was WAY too drawn out. I know it, you know it, and I'm okay with it. Suck it up.
I would like to spend the rest of the time (in this post) discussing some things that I learned from the movie "Tron."
#1) Even the handsome are subject to theft and copyright infringement.
#2) Holes in a firewall are actually literal and tangible breaches.
#3) Coded programs die the way everyone else does.
#4) Where new programs come from.
First, the main character in Tron is played by Jeff Bridges. Handsome? Yes. Very yes, and I'm okay admitting it. In the movie he is very nerdy, but he's probably one of the best liked nerds (at least by women, tacos and all). In the movie, he has several programs that he created stolen by someone else at the company. Now, while the act is morally reproachable, I think it gives hope to people like me. It's an opportunity to prove to the world that not everyone who sits on a computer for hours every day lacks hygiene (I will reference again, as a counterpoint, the tacos) and has severe difficulty in getting the girl. Yes, there is light at the end of the table...unless you're an avid player of W.o.W., in which case, just give up now.
Second, I've been in school learning about electrical components, circuits, and many varying computer parts for a few years now. This entire time, they have led me to believe that all aspects of a digital system are comprised of a few hardware components and then a bunch of 0's and 1's. As far as software goes, there's nothing tangible about it...or so I thought. I learned that it is possible to send a digitized motorcycle careening into a wall and create a physical hole in it, in which case other motorcycles (and I assume any object, at that) would be able to pass through it. This is quite a relief to me, because I've been wondering what happens to all the saved games I create in Final Fantasy 7 after I decide to delete the file. Now I know that somewhere in the digital world there are a bunch of free-range Clouds roaming around, probably casting Knights of the Round on unsuspecting bison that have escaped from Oregon Trail. Dinner much?
Third, I've never put any thought into deleting files (well, other than if I need it or not). I mean, I wouldn't shoot a guy in the real world..or stab...or poison...or anything else that's "death inducing," as they say (nobody says that.) But here I am deleting files and programs willy-nilly. What I learned however, is that these programs, when being deleted, or "killed" as we might say (I guess "killing" a program doesn't have the same significance as killing a person, per seiTunes has created for me. I mean, it actually might be a little piece of Little Richard that's dying...oh wait....(I don't listen to Little Richard.)
Finally, lots of time is spent educating the youth on the importance of safe...relations...if you catch my meaning. I think every parent kind of fears the inevitable question of "where do babies come from?" I guess, much to my chagrin, I'm going to have to start explaining where baby programs come from, and here's why. The people in the movie Tron represent programs. At one point of the movie, one of these programs kisses another one. The notion, although foreign to the male program at first, was immediately adopted and enjoyed (Probably in the same way it happened in our world.) This is the biggest lesson to me, because I'm now deeply terrified that there could be programs running around in the background of my computers RAM making out and doing all types of unseemly things. Somehow I wish I could implement a new aspect of my anti-virus program. It's called abstinence, people.
There you have it, folks. I've learned plenty about the digital world today, and I hope I've been able to pass on some useful information to you. If not, go watch Tron. You can find out something on your own. And who says that movies rot our brains?
As an afterthought, I was just informed that the movie Tron isn't actually a documentary, as I may have previously believed it was. With that in mind, be careful which aspects of this post you take as doctrine. Heck, just believe it all. See if I care.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Summer...thyme?
Yes, I along with everyone in the techno-frenzied world, am dedicating a post to the coming of Summer (sometimes I wish that phrase took on a more feminine meaning. And just so we're clear, I didn't mean that the world is crazy about digital beats and high pitched screetching noises, coupled digitally modified one-liners--you know, techno music--but about technology. I guess it would have been a lot easier for me to say that straight up, but where's the fun in that? Also, I like pie.) A lot of people are probably spending their time writing about the sun and warmth and the beach. Sure, those things are nice and all, but they're not the reason for which I'm writing this post. I am intendning to dedicate this post specifically to one of the lesser known wonders of summer. I call it: Kool-Aid. I have also just been informed that that's what everyone else calls it too, but I don't think that detracts from the unheralded wonders contained therein.
Before I begin, I recognize that Kool-Aid isn't a Summer drink, per se. It's equally as delicious during the winter times, but I don't think I would be too far off when I assume that the majority of people in this techno-frenzied world (that time I did mean the music) would generally associate it with Summer time.
What is it that makes this liquid refreshment so...refreshmenting? It's possible that it's the extremely artificial flavoring. It's possible that it's the fact that I can always justify drinking it because, hey, all it is flavored sugar water, or possibly because it has like 10^5 ppm of sugar in it (yes, I know that's basically impossible. It's called 'hyperbole,' you uncultured swine.) Sure, it could be any of those, but there's a greater reason behind it all. I like to call it "the unifying power of Kool-Aid" (I've never called it that before.) Let me explain.
The world that we live in is ridden with differences. Things that always have the vast potential of tearing everyone apart. Many have been seeking a way to bring us all together. Some people think the solution is music. Sure, types of music transcend race or demographic differences (Not Rap. I know a lot of white folk like rap, but I like to think of rap more as a subtle recruitment technique employed by a series of organizations who want us to think they're dumb and uneducated, but in fact they're some of the trickiest individuals present on earth. How's THAT for a conspiracy theory?!) I think the solution is much more simple. Yes, my friends, Kool-Aid.
Having served a mission in Detroit, I know it's very popular amongst certain peoples. I also know that wealthy tend to stray from it in an effort to find a more...organic...solution, or some other garbage. Let me say this: there are very few things more organic than sugar and water....and hundreds of artificially produced flavoring agents. Well, at least the first two things were organic. I think that's a pretty good ratio considering that 10 years in the future humans are only going to be 2/3 organic anyway (this is referring to the FACT (scientifically proven) that 10 years in the future, we are going to be taken over by a group of super-intelligent cyborgs who have both a knack for the arts AND the destruction of any living thing stubborn enough to oppose their higher plane of thinking.)
Back to Kool-Aid.
I dare you to find me someone who doesn't like it. If you do find someone, drug them up a little and THEN see if they don't like it. That's really all I'm trying to get across. You won't find anyone who fits that mold. Yes, I'm saying that you can not and will not find anyone who, if they don't already like Kool-Aid, also wouldn't like if they were drugged to the point of hallucination and/or lack of self-will. Now that's power.
So, the next time you have a steaming pot of ice-cold Kool-Aid in front of you, don't just pour and drink. Sit back a moment and think about how you very well could be looking at the future. At the same time, don't go so far as to think you're looking into some mystical pensieve that possesses the capabilities of telling the future. Because, as we know, and unlike 2/3 organic cyborg lifeforms, there is no such thing as a future-telling pensieve...just the kind that can show us our memories.
Just remember, in 15 years when we're all hailing our new cyborg cheiftains (as we know, they will seek to adopt the most premier form of government, which is that of Tribal Law), remember what I told you: Kool-Aid made it happen.
Ah, Summer.
Fin.
As an afterthought, I realize that a fair number of people who may read this will not understand that I'm suggesting that Kool-Aid will somehow be transformed into a sort of fuel, which will power these cyborg lifeforms.
As an afterthought to my afterthought, and just in case in fifteen years our cyborg leaders read this, I am in no way suggesting that the way to destroy any possibility of cyborg dominance is to rid the world of its supply of Kool-Aid.
Before I begin, I recognize that Kool-Aid isn't a Summer drink, per se. It's equally as delicious during the winter times, but I don't think I would be too far off when I assume that the majority of people in this techno-frenzied world (that time I did mean the music) would generally associate it with Summer time.
What is it that makes this liquid refreshment so...refreshmenting? It's possible that it's the extremely artificial flavoring. It's possible that it's the fact that I can always justify drinking it because, hey, all it is flavored sugar water, or possibly because it has like 10^5 ppm of sugar in it (yes, I know that's basically impossible. It's called 'hyperbole,' you uncultured swine.) Sure, it could be any of those, but there's a greater reason behind it all. I like to call it "the unifying power of Kool-Aid" (I've never called it that before.) Let me explain.
The world that we live in is ridden with differences. Things that always have the vast potential of tearing everyone apart. Many have been seeking a way to bring us all together. Some people think the solution is music. Sure, types of music transcend race or demographic differences (Not Rap. I know a lot of white folk like rap, but I like to think of rap more as a subtle recruitment technique employed by a series of organizations who want us to think they're dumb and uneducated, but in fact they're some of the trickiest individuals present on earth. How's THAT for a conspiracy theory?!) I think the solution is much more simple. Yes, my friends, Kool-Aid.
Having served a mission in Detroit, I know it's very popular amongst certain peoples. I also know that wealthy tend to stray from it in an effort to find a more...organic...solution, or some other garbage. Let me say this: there are very few things more organic than sugar and water....and hundreds of artificially produced flavoring agents. Well, at least the first two things were organic. I think that's a pretty good ratio considering that 10 years in the future humans are only going to be 2/3 organic anyway (this is referring to the FACT (scientifically proven) that 10 years in the future, we are going to be taken over by a group of super-intelligent cyborgs who have both a knack for the arts AND the destruction of any living thing stubborn enough to oppose their higher plane of thinking.)
Back to Kool-Aid.
I dare you to find me someone who doesn't like it. If you do find someone, drug them up a little and THEN see if they don't like it. That's really all I'm trying to get across. You won't find anyone who fits that mold. Yes, I'm saying that you can not and will not find anyone who, if they don't already like Kool-Aid, also wouldn't like if they were drugged to the point of hallucination and/or lack of self-will. Now that's power.
So, the next time you have a steaming pot of ice-cold Kool-Aid in front of you, don't just pour and drink. Sit back a moment and think about how you very well could be looking at the future. At the same time, don't go so far as to think you're looking into some mystical pensieve that possesses the capabilities of telling the future. Because, as we know, and unlike 2/3 organic cyborg lifeforms, there is no such thing as a future-telling pensieve...just the kind that can show us our memories.
Just remember, in 15 years when we're all hailing our new cyborg cheiftains (as we know, they will seek to adopt the most premier form of government, which is that of Tribal Law), remember what I told you: Kool-Aid made it happen.
Ah, Summer.
Fin.
As an afterthought, I realize that a fair number of people who may read this will not understand that I'm suggesting that Kool-Aid will somehow be transformed into a sort of fuel, which will power these cyborg lifeforms.
As an afterthought to my afterthought, and just in case in fifteen years our cyborg leaders read this, I am in no way suggesting that the way to destroy any possibility of cyborg dominance is to rid the world of its supply of Kool-Aid.
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