Alright, here's the deal. There are certain things in life which I enjoy, there are things I can tolerate, there are things that I stand, and there are things which I despise. Today, I'm going to take advantage of this...blog...thing...and explain about something that I despise. Hopefully I will also give a reason why I despise it, but I can never be too sure what's going to be written here.
I'm not exactly known for being someone who is "with it," in reference to pop culture. I get into social settings, and people throw around celebrities names like they're dirty rags (come to think of it, I'm pretty sure that some people are basically the same as dirty rags, but that's another discussion for another day), and all I can think to say is "So there's this new theory..." which will be followed by some excessively nerdy, most likely socially frowned upon theory (like the one where some people are beginning to believe that our universe is actually contained within a black hole that lies in another universe. Talk about WHOA.) Now, I don't mean to say that those who are more in touch with pop culture aggravate me. I don't mean that by any means. In fact, I don't mean that. What I DO mean is that there are certain things that have become popular, mostly with the younger people (by definition, those who graduated 2008 or later). Maybe someone can explain it to me, but why on earth do some people feel the need to abbreviate everything? I'll let you think on that for a minute.
Seeing as how I cannot govern the time that it'll take you to finish that sentence and start this one, I'll just trust that you took a moment to think of an answer to that question. Personally, I don't have an answer. It just boggles my mind. I mean, seriously. The other day I saw someone (on Facebook, but still) abbreviate the word "scooter." I tend to think of myself as one who can be particularly lazy when it comes to certain aspects of life. I don't like talking if I don't need to talk, partially because I'm afraid I'll say something stupid, but also partly because I'm lazy. But seriously, you can't say "er"? Is that one going to strain you to the point where you may question if you can go on? I mean, it's barely even a syllable. In fact, I daresay it's half a syllable (yes, English majors, I know you can't TECHNICALLY have half a syllable. It's for effect. You should know about that.)
There are any number of examples I could use...unfortunately I've been so scarred by them that I have subconsciously blocked those memories and cannot recall them at the present time. If you have any other examples of awful and unnecessarily abbreviated words, share. Seriously.
I'm calling out to those of you who cherish language. Call those who abbreviate out. Also, throw in some derogatory words. That's okay too (Caution: there may be some backlash when it comes to that. Hopefully you know that by know, but I'm just covering my bases.......All your base...)
It's entirely possible that this post is going to get amended as I am made aware of abbreviations. So feel free to check back. If you haven't noticed, I'm someone passionate about this topic. Let me finish by saying this: if you're abbreviating to be funny, or should I say "funny," go ahead and continue, but if you are abbreviating to try and sound cool, I just have one thing to tell you (on top of everything else I've written here), It's NOT working. Seriously.
That's my rant. I'm done....for now (duhn duhn duhn) that was supposed to be intense music or whatever. STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Wait...what?
Today I wanted to discuss something that has come up for me on quite the regular basis. It is a trait I possess which, in my opinion, can often come off in a way that is not intended. Those who know me well know about it, but it's often the people who I don't know with whom I get in trouble for it. This is the trait of memory. I'm going to be discussing how this trait affects me in both a social and an academic level.
I have some friends who said that they can, in the future, see me working as the guy who stands by a high-ranking politician, telling them the name of the individual who they are about to speak. You know, the guy that stands next to (insert politician's name), and when some weird looking lady walks up to him, just before he whispers "this is Lady Henrity von Hamstead, son of the famous Duke von Hamstead of northern Belgium. He invented the waffle iron." And then the politician can then address the person specifically, and the lady feels good because the politician "remembered" her. Now, I have to say, if I were to ever do that, I probably wouldn't be able to keep the job long, and this is why: the lady would walk up, and I'd say "This is Lady (blah blah blah), she's the daughter of (blah blah blah) and she's currently having intimate relations with your son." And then the politician would be all mad and start blowin' stuff up...like in the movies, and then I'd get blamed for some sort of international incident. At least it would give me another item to throw on my resume. "Causes international incidents." I hear a lot of employers are looking for that these days.
Anyway, let's get back to my original intentions. Here's how this affects me on a social level. I overhear someone talking about someone else. I quickly put some pieces of a puzzle together in my head and am able to associate a name with a face. I see this person at a social event, say something to her (yes, let's be honest, 90% of the time it'll be a her. I don't see a ton of value, in my current setting, in remembering a bunch of dudes' names), and then she'll be like "what's your name?" I'll respond, and I'll say "You're ______, right?" And she'll get all creeped out and file a restraining order. All because I remember things and make connections quickly. Is there justice in the world? No. Well, sometimes. I think you'd be surprised how often this happens, except I've learned. If I know the person's name in any other way than from direct, personal contact, dont' tell the person I know the name. The situation above would be more like this: "what's your name?" "Ben, what's yours? Because...I....totally...don't know it...already." And then an awkward silence follows, and I ride off into the sunset. Don't believe me? Well, it's science.
Moving on to academics: I'm fairly confident that most academics are not necessarily designed to gauge someone's pure intellect, but they're more specifically designed to test the memory. Some might argue that they're directly connected. To that, I would respond "You're a witch!" and then burn you at the stake. Let that be a lesson to you. Don't connect unconnected scientific principles.
I'm firmly convinced that the only reason I do remotely well in my classes is because of my memory. I don't read text books. Period. Sure, I look at them, but that's about it. I gain as much information doing that as a bank teller would from cashing a check. Don't worry, the analogy didn't make sense to me either, but the meaning is still the same (Ben, you numskull, how can you relate something to an analogy that you don't even know the meaning of and say it means the same thing as something else? -- See what I did there? I took away your argument and made it myself. That's just good poetry. No, that's not poetry at all. Get a job.) But seriously, people, memory - good.
In closing, I just want to say a few things. First off, I'm crazy tired, so I'll probably read this entry another day and be firmly convinced I was on some sort of...drug. But I'm not, other than the drug of too much sun exposure, which isn't a drug (I hope.) Secondly, here's my advice: if you want to improve your memory, get a brain implant. I hear they're doing those these days. If that doesn't work, literally stare at any box of food and start memorizing nutrition facts. Sure, it may not be directly applicable to anything you'll ever need to recall, but then again, it might. That's all I'm trying to say.
If you're still reading this, well, I just don't know what to say to you...
I have some friends who said that they can, in the future, see me working as the guy who stands by a high-ranking politician, telling them the name of the individual who they are about to speak. You know, the guy that stands next to (insert politician's name), and when some weird looking lady walks up to him, just before he whispers "this is Lady Henrity von Hamstead, son of the famous Duke von Hamstead of northern Belgium. He invented the waffle iron." And then the politician can then address the person specifically, and the lady feels good because the politician "remembered" her. Now, I have to say, if I were to ever do that, I probably wouldn't be able to keep the job long, and this is why: the lady would walk up, and I'd say "This is Lady (blah blah blah), she's the daughter of (blah blah blah) and she's currently having intimate relations with your son." And then the politician would be all mad and start blowin' stuff up...like in the movies, and then I'd get blamed for some sort of international incident. At least it would give me another item to throw on my resume. "Causes international incidents." I hear a lot of employers are looking for that these days.
Anyway, let's get back to my original intentions. Here's how this affects me on a social level. I overhear someone talking about someone else. I quickly put some pieces of a puzzle together in my head and am able to associate a name with a face. I see this person at a social event, say something to her (yes, let's be honest, 90% of the time it'll be a her. I don't see a ton of value, in my current setting, in remembering a bunch of dudes' names), and then she'll be like "what's your name?" I'll respond, and I'll say "You're ______, right?" And she'll get all creeped out and file a restraining order. All because I remember things and make connections quickly. Is there justice in the world? No. Well, sometimes. I think you'd be surprised how often this happens, except I've learned. If I know the person's name in any other way than from direct, personal contact, dont' tell the person I know the name. The situation above would be more like this: "what's your name?" "Ben, what's yours? Because...I....totally...don't know it...already." And then an awkward silence follows, and I ride off into the sunset. Don't believe me? Well, it's science.
Moving on to academics: I'm fairly confident that most academics are not necessarily designed to gauge someone's pure intellect, but they're more specifically designed to test the memory. Some might argue that they're directly connected. To that, I would respond "You're a witch!" and then burn you at the stake. Let that be a lesson to you. Don't connect unconnected scientific principles.
I'm firmly convinced that the only reason I do remotely well in my classes is because of my memory. I don't read text books. Period. Sure, I look at them, but that's about it. I gain as much information doing that as a bank teller would from cashing a check. Don't worry, the analogy didn't make sense to me either, but the meaning is still the same (Ben, you numskull, how can you relate something to an analogy that you don't even know the meaning of and say it means the same thing as something else? -- See what I did there? I took away your argument and made it myself. That's just good poetry. No, that's not poetry at all. Get a job.) But seriously, people, memory - good.
In closing, I just want to say a few things. First off, I'm crazy tired, so I'll probably read this entry another day and be firmly convinced I was on some sort of...drug. But I'm not, other than the drug of too much sun exposure, which isn't a drug (I hope.) Secondly, here's my advice: if you want to improve your memory, get a brain implant. I hear they're doing those these days. If that doesn't work, literally stare at any box of food and start memorizing nutrition facts. Sure, it may not be directly applicable to anything you'll ever need to recall, but then again, it might. That's all I'm trying to say.
If you're still reading this, well, I just don't know what to say to you...
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